At one American university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," replied the diligent student. "And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. "Elation," she said. "And you, sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up.'"
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
"I stand corrected," said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets... then it hit me.
I didn't know my dad was a construction site thief, but when I got home all the signs were there.
Paul Clement - Premier league manager.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’